A Guide to Questioning Bible Bullshit - Part 1

In the beginning, there was a book - a book that people considered holy and inspired by God (BTW who the fuck calls their god God? It's like me calling my cat with the name Cat). The book was spread through the centuries by the copyists and monks and bookshops (money), in order to get people to believe in God and Jesus T. Kirk Christ, so they go to the churches and give donations (money), and the peasants would also give one tenth of their crops to the church (goods = money)(but that was dark ages), and the church controlled all the other books and didn't let people read them (society control => fear => mind control => more believers => money), and then they started their monopoly on education (money) which would go for long centuries. And the core of it - the motherfucking Bible.

A bestseller. Of all time, right? Well, only competing with Kama Sutra. The big one. The shit stopper.
Let's beat it down.


Bible is not a good book. Would you believe a book that contradicts itself? Examples? Here you go - right from the fucking beginning:
Genesis (No, not the band, they are great) 1:27 - "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
OK, so there's a male and a female, but then
Genesis 2:8 The LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there He put the man whom He had formed.
Wait, what?
the man whom He had formed.
Are you bullshitting me? And what's up with the LORD thing in capitals? Did God felt underpraised so he killed the previous author and "inspired" the new one, but he didn't even read Genesis 1? First there was a male and a female, but then the female just goes away? Seriously, if this wasn't a sacred text, people would rage and burn the author alive for such a big fucking plot hole! Let's see some other plot holes, shall we? Here you go, 145th Psalm
145:9 The LORD is good to all,
And His tender mercies are over all His works.
Oh sure? Then how about this:
Jeremiah 13:14 And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together,” says the LORD. “I will not pity nor spare nor have mercy, but will destroy them.”
Wow. That was actually pretty harsh. And if that doesn't make the impression, think about it: both texts are those with Low-level Operation Radar Devices (LORDs), so they must come from the same author! Wait, what? Low-level Operation Radar Device... So that's the case!
And this would be the last one, this one clearly from one author - this is the Gospel according to John.
JOH 10:30 I and my Father are one.
OK, cool. No need to show off.
JOH 14:28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
So apparently, Jesus has all the powers of his "father", God. But two chapters later, he doesn't! What, did he accidentally eat Kryptonite during this time? This only proves that the bible is bullshit - yeah, just like Penn and Teller had proven. And you know what? These two magicians have more credibility than the bible.
Face it, this book is full of bigotry and bullshit. Next time - more examples of it.

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